160319-114349 ryan forgive us mother earth

 

0419161816b

"What I Mean" : A letter written in loving response to Justin Bieber


by Raz Ma as a response to "What Do You Mean"  in the interest of compassionately championing consent culture.

Dear Justin,

As an educator propagating a movement spreading body-awareness and positivity, I recognize that music has the potential to reach a wide audience to inform many on how to create the container of safety necessary for mutual pleasure. In alignment with my purpose to celebrate consent culture I seek to shed light upon the inquiries you professed throughout the song "What Do You Mean?". You stated in an interview with Ryan Seacrest that the origins of this song were birthed from your experience that “Well, girls are often just flip-floppy…they say something and they mean something else. So … what do you mean? I don’t really know, that’s why I’m asking.”

As a dancer I was moved by the catchy beat of your song and felt a responsibility to respond to the lyrics to share my version of what the other side of the story might be. For clarity & ease of reading, I will respond to the questions and gestures from the music video that you participated in (cited in brackets) as if they are directed to me personally, with the shared background understood to be that we have an ongoing connection that we wish to continue.

~

["What do you mean?"]

Firstly, I applaud your desire to check in - this is a clear and decisive step in the right direction - especially in light of the tragic messages in 'Blurred Lines' and the sadly-pervasive 'rape culture' of the dominant ethos at the moment. When you seek additional clarity through practicing positive consent and asking questions about my internal state it helps me feel safe, respected, and listened to deeply, and builds my trust for you.

Your repeated questioning demonstrates that you have a track record for checking in if you have any uncertainty regarding my boundaries or desires as our interactions / relationship progress, especially if we move into more intimate territory. Nothing is immutably absolute, and this is especially so in the realm of emotion and relationship - therefore I am grateful that you are interested in reading my responses and are able to speak to the discrepancy between my body language and my words [ “you nod your head yes but you want to say no”…“don’t want me to move but you tell me to go “ ]. If there is ever a mismatch between my body talk and verbalization or a shade of doubt crosses your mind, asking for clarification is appreciated so that I can attune to my core, authentic self in spacious honesty.

I applaud you asking for verbal consent and additional detail - however, I feel stressed due to the pressure your countdown places on my decision-making timeline [ "you're running out of time...better make up your mind" ]. I profoundly enjoy your company and immensely value spending time with you, and protect out time together as precious [ “you’re overprotective when I’m leaving” ]. If I don't give you the answer that I sense you’re attached to – the response I think you want to hear - I feel as though you may leave me right now (certainly physically, but perhaps you may even abandon the entirety of our budding relationship) [ "I don't want us to end, where do I start" ].

You keep glancing at the clock [hearing time tick loudly] - machinations percussively propelling persuasively without pause, moments announcing their steady departure as sonic seconds slipping through the hourglass…3….2….1….

May I request a freeze frame? My body and brain are a billion buzzing bees - I need a moment to track the root causes of my feelings for they often express themselves in emotionally entwined forms that are not easily subjected to rationalization, the limits of labelling, or excisive delineation. [ "be more straightforward" ]

[ (pointing to side of head) "you're so indecisive, what I’m sayin’, …don't know if you're happy or complaining…you're so confusing baby…be more straightforward" ]

I don’t feel myself capable to subject this holy whole to a reductionist breakdown of parts through a forceful use of my mind… I am internally immersed in the richness of emotions that are new to me – a palate of passions layered deep on the canvas of my consciousness, the translucent textures and tones tantalizingly fickle, tickling transitions - bleeding into each other as a symphony of sensation - excitement, arousal, anticipation…is that a bit of fear - or is it just uncertainty?...my circuits are sparking with a supersonic speed & a range that is novel to me – blustery bliss breezing, blood bounding through my body. [ “better make up you mind…you’re so indecisive” ]

I would be so grateful for a few moments - a handful of minutes to meditate on my moving mood in an attempt to accurately source the origins and causes of my sensations… [ "first you're up then you're down then in-between" ]. Slowing down coalesces clarity, creating space for me to breathe in the complex beauty of the present frame - checking in with myself and acting in integrity with my body, mind, heart, and soul knowing with resonant conviction what I am an enthusiastic YES to, and where I need more discussion and definition. I need to know that you'll stick with me as I take the time I need to make a decision that is not rushed, because my full YES is worth the wait without hurrying through the prerequisite processing.

[ “you're so confusing baby…be more straightforward" ] I humbly reject the notion that I am characteristically constantly indecisive or confusing, but I welcome you stating that a specific action I take makes you feel confused so that I can proceed with constructive action to alter that behavior.

[ “wanna argue all day, making love all night” ] I need the clarity and precision of passionate conversation to remove any hesitation I have in moving forward with being intimate with you, as fear keeps me from feeling safe and getting aroused. I appreciate when you ask me where my boundaries are – which ones are hard and which soft, what I am nervous about, and what holds me back from the unbridled free expression of my purring, pulsing pleasure. Having open lines of dialogue allows me to unfold into ever deeper layers of trust with you where I can feel seen in more of my raw, authentic self and open myself in receptive surrender to you. This vulnerability is my culminating gift - and the condition necessary to give it is knowing that you can handle the responsibility of tenderly holding my heart. Over time I am becoming aware that much of my nervousness stems from realizing just how deeply I love you – so much that it scares me to think it possible to lose our connection.

[ “I wanna know…better make up your mind…(tapping side of forehead)” ]

Much of what I experience in your presence comes from my erupting emotions, which cannot be known by the mind but only felt in the body and soul. My heart beats to a unregulated rhythm that none can manipulate - lest through inspiration [“trying to catch the beat, make up your heart” ]. You point to your head when you inquire 'what do you mean', but I operate on a bodily, emotional plane that cannot be contained by the cranium - a space that I welcome you into. I know you yearn for me to explain with these reductionistic words my internal landscape, alas the field is irreducible, requiring it to be felt. Meet me at the tingling point where we intermingle, melting body and breath - dive through the barrier of skin with your perception. I invite you to project yourself within my body and welcome you into my emotional ecosystem – eye gazing providing one of the permeable barriers into this watery world. Let us be patient, for sinking ever deeper into subterranean inner-connection is a skill that develops with practice and proximity.

It is important to me to provide the space to allow you to sense what I intend - let’s flip the script to focus on your inner world. Would you like to join me in feeling what is happening inside you? Can you stay still as I cradle you tenderly, held, unmoving - in this powerful place of pause, can you go into your body? I am listening so deeply to your response that my consciousness collapses into a single point with the sole goal of absorbing your conveyances – I am here to hold space for what you wish to express, in whatever form it comes, for as long as it takes you to feel complete in this process. [ “you don’t want me to move but you tell me to go” ]

I hope that each of us can find a clear answer to our internal inquiries, for from there we are able to sweetly (and saucily) share our preferences and possibilities. Then, like a luscious booty-licious Venn diagram we can explore the juicy middle where we meet in mutual satisfaction - melding our shared passion - dancing in our desires, matching intensity and pace. [ “This is ours baby, yeah” ] My sensations and inspirations can change from heartbeat to heartbeat – blending, inextricably entangled. I want to know that you can meet me in this place of uncertainty, compassionately responsive to what the moment calls for – together, riding the succession of waves as they collect, crest, and disperse.

[ "first wanna go to the left then you wanna turn right, wanna argue all day makin’ love all night" }]

I delight in the variation of pace and direction and the freedom to explore and express what arouses me based on context rather than the flimsy fiction of following an immutable, formulaic law of libido. Although I may be enjoying an activity in the here-and-now does not necessarily mean it will excite me exactly the same each time – and in expressing my changing state I am giving you the treasure of my honest and full presence. [ “you’re so selfish baby” ] Would you rather have me sedately silencing my expression or putting on a mask to meet you with an empty shell of myself? I don’t believe that your heart’s honest aim is to vainly coerce me into suppressing my needs to cater solely to yours, for when I meet you in full personal truth, you authentically receive all of me.

Ultimately, each being is the only one who knows what they need for self-care, and when we create an environment of acceptance and checking-in, we are empowered to be personally responsible for maintaining our own boundaries, removing the burden of guesswork and mind-reading [ "trying to compromise but I can't win" ] Let’s transcend but/or and move to yes/and – we can both win without sin, becoming sexually symbiotic. How can we ecstatically enjoy embodiment with each other, meeting both our needs at once in a way neither could alone?

In the end, ‘what I mean’ is that I love you, and I need more clarity to feel safe in situations that can be daunting for me to talk about. I value our connection and want it to develop and deepen– can we feel it out together? Thank you for listening and making me feel safe and respected – I am trusting you with my heart.

~

{ p.s. Listening to ‘What do you Mean’ on repeat while analyzing and writing this piece }

photoshoot opportunity taken with great tenderness

facepaint by cyrena

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carry home

turtle shell

carob crab

scarab

 

were has gone

ex-porting culture extinction

movement of the lost

sister mister

honor the sharing

do right

collaborated compensation credit

generous match

heart dynasty heart

safe spaces to be free

own collectively

culture acceleration

inhabit vibration

playtime

inner out

spectackle

spectacle

spec-cackle

character drama [ shard ache her ; char ached eter -nity ]

seed scores of scenes

 

overflow wellspring

we are skraut sourk

keep mother alive

hold, seed, incubate, propagate

self-definition : proclamation

self-declaration : collect-i-activation

collect.ive.ation

 

Talented people that we are inspired around each other. Affirm our work

Do well by doing good.

Saturate in our juices – then pours forth

Ingesting our own medicine

Duration and depth

 

Minor royalty

 

Sell your revolution

Declaration of squish-dependence – it is impossible to squish alone

Heart tribe vibe guide

 The rights of squish : comfortable, heard,

 

Squish Culture Code : Purr with Purpose

 

  1. If you are un-comfortable, move

Respect your own sensation as a call to action and trust that others will do the same (act in accordance) : allow yourself to respond to attraction and repulsion without judgement or coercion : cultivate intuition : follow your bliss, redirect touch you do not enjoy such that it can be made more enjoyable : find what is uncomfortable and actively engage with changing it, you have to speak up for your boundaries, permission – permissive,

  1. Safety doesn’t happen by accident

Practice active consent : Celebrate consent by asking permission, and giving time and space for others to check in with themselves : clarify - ask specific questions, when in doubt ask : check the messages being broadcast through both verbal and non-verbal communication, explore your snuggle buddies communication style – get to know their non-verbal yesses an nos, find your voice, learn what you like, container curation, what makes you feel safe?

  1. Find freedom within boundaries

Don’t take other people’s boundaries personally as you are not the source or catalyst of them (other people’s boundaries may not be beginning with you, you are just arriving at them after the unfolding of their history – not source or catalyst), No means yes to something else : proactively manage your boundaries : knowing your no allows you to own your full yes : celebrate boundaries as healthy self-care, consent is qualitative – details add depth – expound upon if your boundary fixed, flexible, if there is a speedbump before the boundary before you’re approaching, boundary is also a container – boundaries that we have define oneself – knowing your boundaries is knowing yourself,

  1. Invitation with clear Expectation

Clarify the underlying intentions / motivations behind your offer so that others can make an informed decision. This allows a deepening into the intimacy of the share. When a boundary is set, clarify the need behind the boundary so that it can be proactively supported, making it far less likely that subsequent boundaries will need to be established.  Verbalizing boundaries are a historical marker that a boundary has been crossed in the past. Allow space without attachment to hear the response, whether it is no, a request for adjustment, or a counter-offer.

Corollary : Invitation without Expectation

  1. You can only connect as deeply to someone else as you have connected to yourself

Feel into yourself then feel out : In-to-me-I-see = intimacy : connect to self so that you can choose to connect authentically to others in your truth , other people can help you feel your edges, Self-initiate inquiry

 

Corollary : Turn projection into introspection

I statements allow others a window into your internal experience, adding definition and reultion to the structures that make up your perception of reality. rewrite your story : everything is within you, change your perspective, change your life – you are the authority of your own experience. See where you are in regards to what is around you : causality is perspective : Discernment – find your level – titrate your intensity level : Outer world mirrors inner world. As above so below : Primary evolution of consciousness is to feel in – feeling out is a reflection of that. tell your own story, not place responsibilities around other people to take care of you. Be an active agent in creating the experience you desire

  1. You are the authority of your own experience

External authority enculturated into a society based on external authority. Externality degrading to internal authority. Internal voice that guides. Choose which fringe of the norm you want to live on. Model the behavior you want them to do. Open the place for them to model the same behavior. guys should know what sex means to women – instead communicate, what does sex mean to me, because there are thousands of answers. Directly challenges stereotypes. Simplify people around us into archetypes, they are not real. What are you an expert in? share your skills and knowledge. Be a perpetual student.

  1. Yo ; check it : be an agent of collective well being

active participatory curation, co-create conscious culture : Be conscientious of the effect you are having on the : The part you play is part of the whole field : Move and act from the heart : think globally, act locally : call yourself and others to deeper awareness and clarity : delineating the difference between hey you – pay attention and pay attention. Model the culture you wish to manifest. Value creating interaction – generating net positive value. : Answer longing with belonging : nourish the things that nourish you : responsibility power

resonance, be aware of how you are affecting the group field. Coherent resonance within the collective field

corollary : Nourish what Nourishes you

Modelling – encode understanding into other people in the most efficient way. actively engage will in alignment with the experience you are wishing. Be the model for the world you dream of. Equanimity collective well being

  1. Drop In Deeper : use embodied communication

If you go deep into anything, that is everything – principals translate to all realms. Effortless embodiment. Learn how to feel other humans long before we learn to talk to them. There was a time that you existed without words and you did fine. The non-verbal is less filtered and therefore more real in rawness. If you need to ask with words, you’re not listening deeply enough, and you’re probably not listening to my body. The line between Articulation and intuition. If you don’t continue to listen I am not here you have stripped me of my ability to participate. Responsibility of reading each other.. Read tone subtlety in the moment. Why the consent discussion gets initiated in the first place. If you need to have a verbal discussion around consent something is already incoherent. Flirting is a subtle listening game of cues - are you speaking the same language? Proactively searching for common language and shared understanding. Communicate densely. Feel > think. Practice touch literacy. Differentiation of subtle language –  Painting with new colors – heighten resolution through distinguishing hues. Wealth of nuance.

 

  1. Squish, don’t squash

The deeper the pressure, the deeper the listening : fast and light, deep and slow : checking-in is a constant collaborative calibration : When in doubt wait it out – slower speeds allow ample space for processing experiences and tuning into truth : don’t inhibit or override another’s ability to choose or move

 

 

Find and stretch edges through interpersonal inquiry

What is pushed into the unconscious must be seen and so is projected in the world around you. By observing something outside of yourself you are allowing it a space within. By seeing it and discerning it outside, you create the space inside yourself for that same mirror to happen.

What do you want to be possible – the best way you can relate to someone is the best way you can imagine it

 

 

 

 

 

This is a living document that welcomes conversation : join the discussion below

 

Tail brainwaves – respond like ears.

 

What living a body aware lifestyle feels like : (a tastes, specific, detailed recommendations)

 

Treat your body like good friend, take care of it, keep it clean and well maintained, run the engine daily, cut your nails !

Be kind to other bodies – cushion bones : meet hard with soft, explore (penetrate, explore) soft with hard (bone to muscle)

Abstain from synthetic fragrances and sharps (pointy jewelry, hair-catching items, cutting edges)

Feeling into edges – edges are meant to be expanded, not exploded – trust that people know where they want to be – if you don’t know their pressure or touch preferences, check in. Use a number scale to convey the intensity of the sensation, and discuss beforehand the range you would like to play in (kink)

Wear soft, silky, textured clothes, that are nice for you to feel and nice for others to touch.

no sharps, points, or hard edges – including hair clips, earrings, cut your nails

Be wary of smudgeable makeup

 

 

Squish commandments – squish scripture

Thou shalt not hurt others – first do no harm – work to enhance life, create diversity and abundance

Be kind to other bodies – we are fairly fragile when frightened

Verbal / non-verbal consent

 

Collapse all of your sensation into the shared point of contact then root into the other persons body through that spot

 

viscosity of space . realm synergizing experience.

ability to connect to an emotion + express it clearly – hone in on one emotion and express to a point of clarity.

Shepard of dialogue. coalesce -> Cohesive document.

 

** Principals of self-inquiry – how to effectively self inquire **

Non causal – co-creative process (causality is perspective). Agitate the pile and it self sorts. Agitation is facilitated movement .

What you’re feeling is also feeling you : cannot touch without being touched

HT Ten Principals :

 

Gifting – your presence, a potent present

Decommodification – you don’t owe anyone anything, you can change your mind, feel into appropriate energy exchanges

radial self-reliance – connect to yourself first, act from compassion ; give only from abundance, take only what is given

radical self-expression:

communal effort:  love is best shared, express for the purpose of healing, Share energy, help all (desire) do/be us more, Fully enraptured blooming expression of self – celebrate those who succeed, positively reinforce evolutionary scaffolding

civic responsibility – look out for each other, care for -each others-hearts, be present to -each others- process, improve spaces through presence, stewarding, caretaking, invest in the commons

leaving no trace – consent when in doubt, wait it out : continuous check in, leaving + trace how can you show up with your gifts in this moment and deepen into the experience?

participation – practice active consent and be an active appreciative recipient, gratitude attitude, Create conditions for what we want to experience, be an active agent in (y)our healing process

immediacy – all you have is now; never not now ;

 

 

heart-guide

HT heart=guide :

  1. If you’re uncomfortable, move
  2. Squish don’t squash
  3. Practice active consent
  4. In-to-me-I-see
  5. Discernment :Find your level (titrate your intensity level)
  6. Create the experience you desire – feed what feeds you
  7. Answer longing for belonging with
  8. Feel > think
  9. Safety doesn’t happen by accident
  10. No means yes to something else
  11. Feel into yourself, then feel out
  12. Freedom within boundaries :

 

  1. Container culture

 

Accept and respect

 

 

We are the beating Heart of Burning man, the percussive pacemaker of the new paradigm. Through our sense of self reaching out playfully, we present potential realities of how to be with one another in heart space to expand our understanding of what is possible, so we can feel into what we need. We seek questions over answers, the response recorded in our reactions to the task. We are seasoned, well-travelled, and inquisitive samplers at the banquet of sensations and scenes. We are a coherent community cultivating a consent culture – the stable foundation that unfolds us into safety and the fully expression of our yes and no. We create this container to invite you into our culture as a love offering.

 

The heart tribe vibe is rooted in presence. First owning the wholeness within when settled in self, a state of peace where nothing has to be done. Once we drop into connection with ourselves through the body we then reach out to interact with others from a sense of completeness and compassion, clear and unattached in whims + desires, recognizing the energy of requests = compliments. We are easeful and natural in the way we spend time together, comfortable in silence. We positively reinforce folks to do/be themselves more, celebrating those who succeed in their personal process of full expression of self. We, and we with each other, seeing & holding true self.

We are deeply present with each other in our personal growth processes, because we are all consciously and considerately working on ourselves - sharing energy to nurture the buds sprouting from growing edge-explansion (expansion-explaination-plan) .

 

Care for each other’s hearts ~ We are responsible for the feeling of safety in others ~ Create safety (take responsibility) for self and others  ~ ask for what is needed ~ Create conditions supporting evolution - till the fertile ground

healing = performance art

active participant witnessed in collective

 

non-catagorize' zero base - read people – feel into their experience – if unclear or lost the thread check in verbally permission to be vulnerable - no agenda, open - surrender - heal relationship with inner child - Learn to play again - eeasy effortless joy - Play responsibly - What can I gift to this moment? - Pour in goodness - Active presence

 

this is how we roll

stack em up = roll deep

move.in.heart.beat. = resonant

come home to heart = heart home