negoiation appendix 1

Appendix I

 

Negotiation Short Form

Intoxicants : Don’t play if anyone is seriously impaired (drunk, high, stoned) as ability to judge ‘bad’ pain may be minimized.

People: Who will take part?

Roles: Who will be dominant? Who will be submissive?

Place: Where will the session occur?

Time: When will the session begin and how long will it last?

Limits: What are the submissive's physical and emotional limits.

Physical Pain: How does the submissive feel about receiving pain?

Marks: Will it cause the submissive problems if the session leaves marks?

Bondage: Will anyone be tied up? To what extent?

Humiliation: This can include "verbal abuse," forced exhibitionism, water sports, enemas, slapping the face, spitting, and scat games.

Sex: Clear, specific frank discussion about what, if any, sexual contact is mutually acceptable

Oops : Both parties agree that any accidents, miscommunications, etc. will be handled in a constructive manner, how they will be handled (after the scene in a conversation? A quick check in during?)

Safewords: I recommend using at least two safe words: one for "lighten up" and one for "stop completely."

Opportunities: Is there anything either person has wanted to try?

Follow-up: What arrangements can be made for the two people to spend "straight time" together after the scene?

Anything else? Is there anything else to discuss or negotiate about before beginning?

 

Modify as needed.

 

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NEGOTIATION LONG FORM

Recommended for novices – try filling a copy out beforehand with an ‘ideal partner’ in mind as a desire / boundary identification practice.

 

  1. PEOPLE:

Who (only) will take part?

Who (only) will watch?

Will any permanent record (photographs, audiotapes, videotapes, etc.) be made of the session?

 

  1. ROLES:

Who will be dominant?

Who will be submissive?

Type of scene: master/slave mistress/slave captive age play servant/butler/etc. cross-dressing/gender play animal play other

Any chance of switching roles?

Will the submissive promptly obey?

May the dominant "overpower" or "force" the submissive?

May the submissive verbally resist? (is no a safeword, or can it be said in a ‘delighted’/’bratty’ way?)

May the submissive physically resist?

Does resistance equal a "strong yellow"? (Are their only certain type of resistance to certain activities that are a strong yellow?)

May the submissive try to "turn the tables:?

Does the submissive agree to wear a collar?

The submissive agrees to address the dominant by the following title(s):

 

  1. PLACE:

Location:

Who will ensure privacy?

 

  1. TIME:

Begin at:

Length:

Beginning signal:

Ending signal:

Who will keep track of time?

 

  1. OOPS:

Does everybody involved understand that there is some risk of accident, miscommunication, misperception, and/or unintentional injury?

Does everybody involved agree to discuss any mishaps in a constructive and non-blaming manner?

 

  1. LIMITS:

Submissive's limits: Any problems with the submissive's... heart: yes/no lungs: yes/no neck/back/bones/joints: yes/no kidneys: yes/no liver: yes/no nervous system/mental: yes/no

Is the submissive wearing contact lenses? Glasses (Will they be removed before play?)

Does the submissive suffer from carpal tunnel syndrome or any related problems?

Does the submissive have a history of... seizures: yes/no dizzy spells: yes/no diabetes: yes/no high or low blood pressure: yes/no fainting: yes/no asthma: yes/no hyperventilation attacks: yes/no

Describe any phobias :

Submissive's other medical conditions:

Any surgical implants (breast, face, etc.)?

Is the submissive taking aspirin?

Is the submissive taking ibuprofin, Aleve, or other non-steroidal, anti-inflammatory drugs?

Is the submissive taking antihistamines?

Other medications the submissive is taking:

Is the submissive allergic to... bandage tape: yes/no nonoxynol-9: yes/no Other allergies:

In case of emergency notify:

Dominant's Limits: Any problems with the dominant's... heart: yes/no lungs: yes/no neck/back/bones/joints: yes/no kidneys: yes/no liver: yes/no nervous system/mental: yes/no

Dominant's other medical conditions:

Medications the dominant is taking:

In case of emergency notify:

Is the dominant currently certified in First Aid and CPR: yes/no Safety gear on hand... paramedic scissors: yes/no flashlight: yes/no first aid kit: yes/no blackout light: yes/no fire extinguisher: yes/no

Will the play be in an isolated area such as a farmhouse?

If yes, what will ensure the submissive's safety if the dominant becomes unconscious? no bondage to chair/bed/etc.: yes/no no gag: yes/no silent alarm: yes/no third person present: yes/no telephone/radio/panic button within submissive's reach: yes/no

Other:

 

  1. SEX

Does any participant believe they might have a sexually transmitted disease?

Does any participant believe they might have herpes?

Have participants been tested for HIV?

Has any participant tested positive?

Circle which of the following sexual acts are acceptable:

Masturbation: dominant to submissive submissive to dominant self-masturbation by submissive self-masturbation by dominant

Fellatio: dominant to submissive submissive to dominant

Cunnilingus: dominant to submissive submissive to dominant

Analingus: dominant to submissive submissive to dominant

Vaginal fisting: dominant to submissive submissive to dominant

Anal fisting: dominant to submissive submissive to dominant

Vaginal intercourse: dominant to submissive submissive to dominant

Anal intercourse: dominant to submissive submissive to dominant

Is swallowing semen acceptable?

Is any participant menstruating?

Will sex toys such as vibrators, dildoes, butt plugs, etc. be used?

Which of the above activities will involve birth control pills, diaphragms, spermicidal suppositories, lubricants containing nonoxynol-9, or contraceptive foams/suppositories/gels?

Which of the above activities will involve condoms, gloves, dental dams, and/or other barriers?

 

  1. INTOXICANTS

The dominant can use (only) the following intoxicants during the session:

Acceptable quantity:

The submissive can use (only) the following intoxicants during the session:

Acceptable quantity:

 

  1. BONDAGE

The submissive agrees to allow (only) the following types of bondage...

hands in front: yes/no

hands behind back: yes/no

ankles: yes/no

knees: yes/no

elbows: yes/no

wrists to ankles (hog-tie): yes/no

spreader bars: yes/no

tied to chair: yes/no

tied to bed: yes/no

use of blindfold: yes/no

use of gag: yes/no

use of hood: yes/no

use of rope: yes/no

use of tape: yes/no

use of leather cuffs: yes/no

use of handcuffs/metal restraints: yes/no

suspension: yes/no

mummification with plastic wrap, body bag, or similar technique: yes/no

 

Any past bad experiences by either person with bondage, gags, blindfolds, and/or hoods?

 

  1. PAIN

Submissive's general attitude toward receiving pain:

likes            accepts            neutral            dislikes            will not accept

Quantity of pain the submissive wants to receive:

none            small            average           large

(1-10 scale helpful to calibrate and for additional clarity about acceptable range)

 

Dominant's general attitude toward giving pain:

likes            will give            neutral            dislikes            will not give

Quantity of pain the dominant wants to give:

none            small            average            large

 

Will the "now" technique be used? **

Will the "nod" technique be used?

Will the "one to ten" technique be used?

The following types of pain are acceptable... spanking: yes/no paddling: yes/no flogging: yes/no caning: yes/no face slaps: yes/no biting: yes/no nipple clamps: yes/no genital clamps: yes/no clamps elsewhere: yes/no locations:

hot creams: yes/no ice: yes/no hot wax: yes/no tickling: yes/no

Other types/methods of pain

 

  1. MARKS

 

Is it acceptable to the submissive if the play leaves marks?

Visible while wearing street clothes?

Visible while wearing a bathing suit?

Is it acceptable to the submissive if the play draws small amounts of blood?

How easy or difficult has it been to mark the submissive in the past?

 

  1. EROTIC HUMILIATION

 

The submissive agrees to accept being referred to by the following terms:

The submissive agrees to the following forms of erotic humiliation...

"verbal abuse": yes/no

enemas: yes/no

forced exhibitionism: yes/no

spitting: yes/no

water sports: yes/no

scat games: yes/no

face slapping: yes/no

Any prior really good or really bad experiences in these areas?

 

  1. SAFEWORDS

 

Safeword # 1 and its meaning:

 

Safeword # 2 and its meaning:

 

Safeword # 3 and its meaning:

 

Non-verbal safewords and their meaning:

Will the "two squeezes" technique be used?

Will the "extended hand" technique be used?

 

  1. OPPORTUNITIES/SPECIAL SKILLS

 

Anything either party would especially like to try or explore?

 

  1. FOLLOW-UP

(who will initiate contact?)

After the session:

The next day:

A week later:

In the event of a crisis:

 

  1. ANYTHING ELSE?

What will become of this form after the session?

 

POST-SESSION NOTES AND FEEDBACK

Dominant

Overall feeling about the session on a scale of one-to-ten (ten tops)

Best part of the session and on a scale of one-to-ten how good was it?

Worst part of the session and on a scale of one-to-ten how bad was it?

Submissive

Overall feeling about the session on a scale of one-to-ten (ten tops)

Best part of the session and on a scale of one-to-ten how good was it?

Worst part of the session and on a scale of one-to-ten how bad was it?

Adapted from http://www.evilmonk.org/a/wiseman10.cfm and http://www.greenerypress.com/